Advice for my 18-Year-Old Sister

Dear Jessica,

After we talked on Skype the other day and you mentioned how sometimes you just wish I was around to talk you through some tough times recently, I got to thinking about how much I wish the same thing. Though the convenience of Skype allows us to trick ourselves into thinking we keep in touch, listening to each other through a computer screen actually makes me feel completely out of touch. It’s so hard to focus on each other when our voices are cutting out, and we have other Internet pages open, and people texting us, and roommates making noise in the background. Sometimes, after I end a call with you, I find myself struggling to remember what we even talked about. I get so frustrated thinking that you need me and my advice, yet I can’t offer my best since we’re not having a face-to-face conversation.

That said, I also realize that our current relationship is reality. Over the next few years (at least) it’s not probable that we’ll be living in close proximity. We are too much alike to stick around the same place for long – we both wanted to go off to school and study our passions, and our affinity for travelling will probably keep us even farther apart in the future. We will both be off living our lives as we’ve always dreamed them, and I can’t wait. But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss the days when you were just down the hall and I could come and talk to you face-to-face whenever I wanted. When I have good news, or bad news, or just any news at all, you’re still always the first one I want to tell. And when I hear you are in a tough situation, I want more than anything to feel like I can tell you something that will make you feel better. Over the past month I have been travelling all over Europe, and have had a lot of time on trains and planes and automobiles to think about you. I have thought about all of the lessons I have learned in the past few years, and how much I want to teach you from my own experience. I know I am only 20 years old, and don’t know the half of it. I’ll be quite honest in saying I really don’t have much more figured out now than I did when I was 18. However, living abroad has made me look at things quite differently, and I think I can now offer a little bit of advice. So here it is, little sis: a list of all of the things I want you to keep in mind as you go out and explore this crazy, beautiful thing we call life.

1. Forgive. If I have learned anything from moving away from the town we grew up in, it’s that in a few years no one remembers all of the bullshit that went down in high school. You grow up, you move on, and people who hold grudges about things that happened ages ago end up looking really immature.
2. Study hard. It might seem redundant and overused, but I really, really mean it. Don’t see school as a stressful, useless, pain in the ass. Not only is education a privilege that we too often take for granted, but it is the key to everything you will ever dream of. Working hard in school will open so many doors for you.
3. Do NOT sweat the small stuff. This advice may seem bizarre coming from someone like me, who spent the first twenty years of my life having mental breakdowns over bad grades and angry bosses. But when it comes down to it, all of those deadlines and empty bank accounts will be forgotten in the future. Always tell yourself that in two weeks time, it won’t be a problem, and console yourself with this idea. Even if it might still be an issue in two weeks time, at least you haven’t wasted those two weeks of your life worried about it.
4. Laugh often. There is nothing worse than having a good, hard, real laugh that makes your cheeks and stomach hurt and thinking, “Wow, I haven’t laughed like that in ages.” Laugh like that every day. Fear peeing your pants from laughter at least once a week. If you feel like you can’t in your current surroundings, find people who make you laugh. Find websites that make you laugh. Watch television that makes you laugh. When you wake yourself up from laughing in your sleep, know you have reached where you need to be.
5. Don’t “feel fat.” Don’t “feel skinny” either. Feel healthy. Be healthy. Drink water, become addicted to it. Exercise at least three times a week – even if it’s just going for a 45 minute walk. Give your body a break from alcohol and crappy food. When you feel healthy, it shows.
6. Get as much sunshine as possible. If it’s freezing cold outside and the sun is shining, bundle up and get out there. Attempt to have those fantastic freckles of yours year-round. It’s incredible what the sun can do for your well-being.
7. Remember that your body is YOURS, and it is the only place you have to live. Treat it well. Respect yourself, do not do things to your body that you do not want to do.
8. Surround yourself with positive people. Sometimes it is very hard to cut negativity out of our lives, especially when it comes in the form of people. However, stick to your guns. Sometimes, they need to help themselves and there is nothing you can do but avoid them until they figure themselves out. In the meantime, find people who you want to spend time with. You should not spend too much of your life with those whose company you do not enjoy.
9. Love. Love fully and truly. Do not be afraid to put your whole heart into someone. Love is scary, and I know you may have reason to question its authenticity. But I promise you this Jess – it is so real. And it is amazing. It will change your life and change you as a person, but falling in love with someone who deserves your heart will change you for the better.
10. Hug people. When you greet them, when you say goodbye, or whenever you have the urge. I used to avoid hugs, as I thought they were slightly awkward and unnecessary. But a hug shows someone you care, brings you close to someone. Hug everyone you care about, because you never know when you may not have the chance to hug them again.
11. Sleep. Nine hours a night is not a luxury, it’s a necessity. If you are not a morning person, schedule your classes so you can stay up all night and sleep until noon. If you have to be up at the crack of dawn, do not stay up until 4 in the morning dicking around on the Internet like I always do.
12. Take pictures. And lots of them. With all the amazing things you are going to see in your life, sometimes memories won’t be enough.
13. Go dancing. I know you’re not technically of age in Canada yet (and you would NEVER use the I.D. of someone who looked a lot like you to get into bars before you were legal) but try to get out at least once a month with your girlfriends to get buckwild. You don’t even have to get drunk – as I’ve discovered, that’s really optional. Just get dolled up, find a place with great music, and wear high enough heels that you can kick away any guys who try and interrupt your girl’s night.
14. Do what you love. If you’re flunking your classes because you don’t enjoy what you’re learning, take different classes, or even a different degree. Changing your mind about what you want to do with the rest of your life might seem like it would be too much work right now, but in the long run it pays off to make sure you are putting everything into what you are doing.
15. Don’t worry about money too much. As a wise Scottish girl once told me – you can always make money later, but you can’t always make the memories you can make right now. Be young and do what you want – we’re all in debt anyway.
16. Travel. This one goes without saying, but before you can settle down and figure out a future, it helps to see the world so you can figure out yourself a little bit.
17. Cry. Not all the time. But when you need to, feel free. If no one’s home, throw a few dramatic sobs in there too. Sometimes we get so focused on trying to be strong we forget that part of getting through things is allowing ourselves to be weak. Allow yourself to be sad sometimes, then master the art of pulling yourself back together. You’ll feel better for it in the end.
18.  Be kind. You have always followed this, but as we grow older and have more opportunities to bitch at people who have seemingly wronged us, it gets easier to bring someone else down. Never forget how you felt when assholes yelled at you while you were working your crappy minimum-wage first job. Try and bring a smile to the face of everyone you pass, because you have NO idea what they might be dealing with.

And there you have it, 18 tidbits of advice for the 18 years I have known you. A lot of them are ones you’ve probably heard before, and as I read this over I realize that some of it is a little cliché. But I want you to know that it was life that inspired me to write this, not a Lululemon bag. I know that you will only go on to do great things, and I can’t wait to hear about them in the future – even if it has to be over Skype. You are an incredible person, and I am so proud of you. If ever you need a pick-me-up, see yourself through my eyes – a smart, beautiful, hilarious, and compassionate young woman who is the best friend I could ever ask for.